Insecure. Broken. Quite frail really. Yes, those would be the words I would use to describe myself.
Nothing fancy. Nothing special. Just another broken soul pressing in to understand the purpose that has been placed on her life. Just another momma pouring all I have into the two precious lives I have been entrusted with. Just another wife giving my husband all I have to offer.
These people.. my husband.. my children..they are my life. Life is not always pretty in our little home tucked away in a quiet neighborhood outside the city. Exhaustion is a real thing and can make a momma do some crazy things. Stress creeps in more than I would like to admit. And frustration, oh yes, it has its way of sneaking in too. We are a real family.. I am a real woman.. with real issues. But that is what I love. Authenticity. Realness. Meaningful relationships. Family. God. Serving others.
Here we are at Christmas if you are wanting to get a picture of who we are in your head..(this is as professional as our pictures are at this point.. maybe one day we will get a few “website worthy” ..you know those fancy photos snapped).. but this is us.
My husband, Brien: We call him Joe around here (not totally off the wall.. it is his middle name). He is my earthly rock. It has been almost 5 years of marriage, and I am grateful for this man. I am not sure if I drive him more crazy, or if he drives me more crazy, but we are crazy for each other. My sweet daughter, Ellyana: My baby is turning 3 in a little over a week. She is my little mommy and always keeps us laughing. Time-out is her favorite part of pretend with her babies if that gives you any clue to what occurs throughout our days. The struggle is real. And last but not least, my handsome little man, Elijah. He has taught me more about patience than anyone in my life.. at least so far. Colic..it can about kill a momma. Even though some days I was tempted to put a sign on him “please take” “for sale” “for a good home”, I would not trade him for the world. These are the people God has so graciously blessed me with. They are my life. My priority. These pictures are a testimony God can work all for good, and make beauty, such beauty, from ashes.
I also have another identity though.. one I am continually, yet messily (if that is a word) growing in.. daughter to the Most High. That sounds all fancy, and does not seem to fit broken me. So lets go with “adopted daughter”. Yes, much more fitting. Adopted into a family. Adopted by a Father that is gentle and humble, patient and enduring.
I am not worthy of Him, but He chose me. Surely, He must have been having an off day the day He chose me, but I am thankful none the less. I wonder, and he calls me back to him. I offer my tiny mustard seed of faith, and he turns it into something much greater. I have given Him a run for his money (that is a saying, right?). Let’s just say I was not one of those daughter’s you probably would choose. I was the one testing the limits. You know the out of control one. The one that followed emotions way more often than the direction of my Father. You know the rebellious one. And yes, I am still learning to follow directions. It does not come natural to me.
You see.. I am but a broken girl seeking to live in the glory of a holy God as a wife, as a mom and a child of the most High God, “an adopted girl”. With all I have (and let me get real honest with you… it is not much), I offer this place, this sanctuary to you.
This place is for you.. for me.
This place is for.. the persevering woman who has just been hit with yet another heartache as she clings tightly to her broken faith.. the wondering teen who is dealing with life shattering circumstances beyond her understanding .. the precious momma who walks out another day in the devastation of the loss of her beloved child..
This place is for the quiet yet committed employee who has courageously been battling cancer.. the sweet twenty-something year old doing her part to live a holy life while feeling so overlooked.. the heartbroken yet enduring daughter who has been beaten, whether in words or action.. the devastated wife who watches as her dream of family crumbles, she did not want the divorce..
This place.. it is for you.. the beautiful woman, who maybe like me.. wonders at times.. does anyone see me, does anyone hear me?
You are seen. You are heard. You are not alone dear sister, dear friend, dear child of the Most High, adopted daughter.
May you find true, genuine and real relationship here.
We are in this sisterhood journey together. No competition. No measurements to live up to. No facades to put on. No make up to perfect. No best dressed here. Just genuine souls meeting together.
Come as you are into this place. Lay down the heavy facades this world causes us to build.. to carry. You can add yours to the pile I have already started by the door. May this place be a hide-a-way, a sacred place to feed your spirit, your soul. As you walk in, may you find it easier to breathe. A place of fresh air.
I have been praying for you. I am glad you are here. My prayer is each time you visit, you will leave this place with a lighter load. A greater hope. A renewed sense of purpose.
And most importantly clothed more beautifully, with a little more sparkle in your heart knowing you are treasured and dearly loved by the God Most High, adopted, hand picked, chosen by our papa, our Father.
In Christ.. with love.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11: 28-30